Getting By With A Little Help From My Friends

Wow! It's been such a long time since I've written here but the
events of this weekend bear retelling. Just like returning to the joy
of writing again, I recently decided to go back to the joy of riding
my bicycle. A little history will help the reader here. I had been
deeply involved in cycling for about ten years when I was forced to
quit due to a cardiac arrhythmia. The doctors didn't want me to
create so much adrenaline and get my heart beating funny. I accepted
this since the whole episode scared me and I was confident that I
could find a more sedate sport that would fill the void, something
like golf. At 6 feet 2 inches and 195 pounds, fresh off a 300 mile
ride across Minnesota, I walked into the golf shop to buy some clubs
only to be confronted at the checkout by a nice young woman. "Your
not a very good golfer, are you?" she said. Thankfully, no one else
was around because I had to confess that she was right. " I didn't
think so." she went on. "Cause you don't have a big gut hanging over
your belt!" Such was the beginning of my golf career.
Over the next 5 years I really worked at golf. Lessons, leagues
and lager was the mantra until I did, in fact, look like a real golfer
with a paunch over my belt. With a busy speaking schedule, a busy
practice, new grandkids and some articles due at the publisher I often
found that I was not getting my aerobic exercise in. More
importantly, I was missing an important emotional component in my
life, that of getting on the bike and working my tail off to be
better. I craved the intense exertion of my cycling years as a
physical and mental health outlet. After 5 years of a stable heart I
was finally given the o.k. to go back to cycling. I didn't tell them
that I was going to race. Oops!
That brings me to the events of this weekend when I rode in a 50
mile race, the Firehouse 50, in northern Wisconsin. My friend, Dr.
Krisite O'Kane, who finished 5th overall for women, rides this race
every year and had invited me to stay at her cabin the night before.
She had a preferred start and was long gone by the time I crossed the
start line so I found myself catching on to various groups in order to
draft off other riders, the key to finishing the race. Experts
estimate that a cyclist uses 30% less energy when riding behind
another rider due to decreased wind resistance so all riders are
looking for people that are riding about at their speed to share the
drafting duties.
At about 25 miles into the race I hooked up with a group of about 7
riders, one of whom was a woman named Sarah Ostrum. As a team member
of a St.Paul bicycle racing club, Sarah is an accomplished rider. Our
group rode well until we hit the rough roads and rolling terrain of
the Namekegon forest where I began to wear out. Compounding the
tiredness were small spasms I began to have in my calves and quads on
the hills. Sarah, though, was as steady as a rock. Continuing to
struggle, I decided to "tuck in" behind her to see if I could make it
the last 10 miles. Now, what I haven't added is that Sarah is drop-
dead gorgeous, with typical Minnesota scandinavian features and, more
importantly, a no-nonsense attitude. You may be thinking that I was
just following her for the view but, listen, when every muscle in my
body ached and a very important part of my anatomy was numb from too
many hours on the bike seat and I had no breath to utter," Do you come
here often?" let me assure you that I was only thinking of one thing,
finishing the race. I can sum up those last 10 miles by telling you
that I concentrated on the back of her racing outfit. One of the team
sponsors must be a company called Sun Adventures because their logo
was prominently displayed on her back. That logo became my focus,
when it accelerated, I accelerated. I quit thinking about all my
problems and concentrated on the logo until we crossed the finish line.
When I teach the T.O.R.C.H.E.S. methodology, I discuss 7 aspects of
leadership essential for dealing with any crisis. Tell yourself the
truth, establish order, take responsibility, act with courage, remain
humble, empower others and continue with stamina. Racing this weekend
created a perfect laboratory for dealing with adversity and employing
T.O.R.C.H.E.S. helped me survive. Specifically, before I could tuck
in behind Sarah I had to make a decision that I couldn't do this on my
own, that I needed help to finish. Not dissimilar from the process we
must go through when the inevitable crises of life confront us. When
we have no resources left, it is time to tuck in and let someone else
do the work until we are able. But many times we're too proud to ask
for help even when we know our friends want to help. It's that thing
about not wanting to bother others with our problems. Even when
others offer to help we sometimes refuse. But sometimes, when we
truly have nothing left, no pride, no resources, no strength, we will
"tuck in" which allows us to heal and empowers those who help us.
The lesson is don't wait until you are totally depleted to ask for
help. There are others waiting and wanting to help if you can put
aside your pride and invite them into your life. And if you want to
start with me, I'm here for you, too.